The Only Difference Between Martyrdom and Suicide Is Press Coverage

Wake up, a voice insisted, causing Jah'vi to shift and furrow his brow. He didn't want to let go of the dream he'd been having; where things had gone differently. But the voice was insistent, and the arms around him became more solid, not to mention muscular and large... Nolinth's leg. As soon as Br'son had left, he'd cleaned his room, made the bed, then collapsed into the bronze with furs and pillows and gone back to sleep.

"What's wrong?" he asked, rubbing at his eyes and trying to focus. It had only been a few hours, judging from the sun. Nolinth rarely woke him unless there was an emergency.

Yllaveths rider is... upset, the bronze answered uneasily. He didn't want to send his rider to face something that would likely cause him pain, but he also knew Jah'vi would want to know immediately if something was wrong with the titan rider.

"What's wrong? Jah'vi scrambled out of Nolinths extended forearms, grabbing the first shirt he could find and stuffing is feet into his boots. What could possible have upset Br'son, he thought as he bit his lip. Sh'lor? Casriel?

Nolinth was conspicuously silent on the matter.

He hurried through the back passages, only briefly noticing that whoevers shirt this was, it wasn't his. Far too large. And he could only imagine what his hair looked like. But he didn't turn around or slow down until he was at the corridor leading to Br'sons weyr.

He made himself walk slower, not wanting it to look like he'd ran here, and stopped at the door. "Br'son? he called uncertainly. "Is everything okay?"

Br'son was angry, but since the moment Yllaveth had broken shell, he'd been taught to keep his emotions under control. So he composed his face, and turned with a pleasant smile to face Jah'vi.

"Dude," he said, his smile dropping away into a look of puzzlement. "What on Pern are you wearing? And what happened to your hair?"

Jah'vis jaw snapped shut and he actually looked annoyed for a moment, that _that_ was what he was concerned about. Then he let out a burst of laughter, tense, and pressed his hands down on top of the utter insanity that was his hair. The shirt slipped down his shoulder in the process and he flushed, yanking it back up. "I was asleep," he said, a little of the tension seeping out of him. Br'son didn't seem to be too upset, not if he was cracking jokes. "I doubt you leap out of sleep looking perfect either."

"Bite your tongue," Br'son said with a little smile that almost reached his eyes. "So, what's the rush, then? If you couldn't even make time to make yourself pretty for me?"

That got a reaction, a deep blush that was visible down his neck thanks to the far too large shirt. He gave up on his hair, accepting that until he got it wet again he'd just look like he'd been attacked by a herdbeast. Jah'vi was so flustered by the comment he didn't notice the look in his friends eyes.

"Nolinth said you were upset," he said lamely, realizing now that maybe he should have taken a moment to straighten himself up before running like a mad man to check on Br'son. "I was worried is all."

Hopefully that sounded convincing.

Br'son's smile disappeared, and the memory of Sidran's dismissal rang in his ears yet again. He shrugged, trying to make it seem casual.

"Eh. Women," he said. His mouth twisted up on one corner. "Sidran wasn't super happy with me not being super happy with her. In retrospect, I probably should have waited until I cooled off more before I talked to her."

Jah'vis face fell slightly, eyebrows coming together in concern. "Shards, man," he said, a sympathetic look on his face. "I'm sorry." He moved quickly and wrapped the titan rider in a hug, letting out a long sigh. "You were perfectly cool when you left my weyr," he continued, "don't put blame on yourself you don't deserve."

He wanted to tell him Sidran was an idiot, and not worth the pain in his eyes. He silently cursed himself for having encouraged Br'son to go speak to the woman, and Sidran herself for hurting him.

Br'son relaxed into the hug, and pounded Jah'vi's back twice.

"Thanks, brother," he said, his voice slightly muffled. "I appreciate that."

He let go and stepped back, and then shrugged again.

"I guess I seemed cool, but I was still really angry at her. Still am, truth be told. I just don't understand why she just disappeared! And didn't say anything! If she wanted to keep Gaveth out for bloodline purposes, then okay, fine. But she couldn't have discussed it with me? Warned me?"

He almost didn't let Br'son step out of the hug, but he knew this wasn't the right time. Not when he was hurting so much over Sidran. His lips turned downwards in a deep frown, still not believing that she would have hurt Br'son. How could anyone purposefully hurt him, he thought, his own heart aching at the look on his friends face.

"She should have told you," he agreed, crossing his arms and still frowning, his blue eyes full of empathy. "You had every right to know that she wasn't going to be there. Especially since you were expecting her."

The entire thing angered him, honestly. If Sidran wanted to alienate Br'son and end their relationship, he was fine with that. Maybe then the titan rider would look somewhere other than at her, maybe notice him, but for her to just abandon him during a flight with no explanation... hurting Br'son was unacceptable in his book, even if he hoped this meant the pair was done for good.

He wanted Br'son to notice his feelings so badly, but not like this.