Addicted to Love (R'fariel)

(Two days after the arrival of the Eastern dragons)

The early morning had taken on an ethereal look, misty fog covered the ground matching the gray of the skies. She was both glum and happy. There were good and bad things in her life right now. Mostly she felt out of her depth. What she should do about her family arriving and her growing infatuation with both R'fariel and V'tayn. Being able to balance her feelings and her work. It was a lot to handle right now. Had she known more of her family would be arriving, she might have held off becoming physically involved with anyone so that she could deal with what she needed to.

After probably half a candle mark of fidgeting and changing her mind, strapping and unstrapping the Scarlet, she finally mounted the dragon. She was never indecisive. It wasn't her nature but right now, she did seem a bit lost. What she should and shouldn't do. Everything seemed so confusing to her. Her emotional compass was broken.

Nwynth took her Between to a usual training point and back to just above their weyr ledge. Then the scarlet landed. There had been so much going on the last few days, she had nearly forgotten to take precautions. While she was thinking about it, she thought she had better do it. The last thing she needed right now was to get pregnant. Her mother would never talk to her if she got pregnant and didn't know who the father was. Talk about being even more hated by her family. Although things would be different now, now that her father was gone. It had been harder on her than she had thought when Aurayath had told Nwynth what had happened. While her brother and sister were not speaking to her, the green dragon had always gotten along well with Nwynth.

Her father was gone. Something seemed so off in that statement. He couldn't really be. She half expected him to be in the mess hall when she went for meals. Having had such an affect on her growing up, she really did not have the ability to imagine the world without him in it. And she would never be able to reconcile with him. It was a lot to take in. She was torn between laughing and crying most of the last two days.

Reminding herself then, she had a chance to reconcile with her mothers. Now that her father was gone, her mother was no longer bound to ignore her. Even if Sh'lor was still an asshole and Brielody was too conceited to ever think of talking to her again. They'd never been all that close anyway. Her siblings who smuggled to the Weyr before the death of their father, they were the only family she could trust. Though it surprised her Keldesh was interested, she was glad he had come. As always, she easily loved even when she might end up hurt. Forgiving them would be easy too. If only they'd come to her first.

Wearing her leathers, she plopped down on her unmade, ruffled bed. Staring up at the ceiling, she let her confusing feelings and thoughts consume her. Shards and shells, she needed a distraction.

Having spent the better part of the day before with V'tayn as a result of Vorganth's catching Anarath, R'fariel realized-- quite belatedly-- that there was someone he needed to check on, someone who had lost far more than either he or the scarletrider had, given the casualties at Eastern.

His own parents would likely be gone, their dragons taken by the sickness that had claimed so many lives, but he felt only the tiniest sense of regret at their loss.  They'd never really played a part in his life, and he had everyone he considered to be family here with him.  But Kyabree didn't-- her parents and siblings might have rejected her, but they were still her family, and he knew she hoped to one day reconcile with them.

That feat would now be impossible to achieve with her father, with the bluerider's passing.  Though Kya'd had her differences with K'brien, Raf knew she'd still mourn his loss.  He couldn't completely commiserate, knowing how the man had treated his friend, but she'd believed their relationship could eventually be repaired.  Now there would be no chance.

Of course, now that he was thinking about it, he felt like a jerk for not checking in with her much.  They'd all been busy helping the newly arrived contingent to get settled and she'd been busy with her family (mostly her younger siblings, he was guessing, more than her mother and the older two).  Then Anarath had chosen yesterday to rise, and he'd been too absorbed in V'tayn to say much.  And now… well, he'd just have to hope she wasn't too upset with him for being so selfish.

My rider hopes yours is not angry with him.  He would like to come see her.

Nwynth turned her head, looking inside at her rider before responding to Vorganth. The scarlet responded with a concerned voice, She's not...herself. Adding to her comment before he could think that Kyabree didn't want her friends around, She would love company. I'm sure your rider can help make her feel more herself.

The scarlet didn't tell her rider that R'fariel was coming to see her. She thought a surprise would be best. Besides, it would be like her rider to get mad that Nwynth said anything about her not being normal. She didn't want anyone to think her father's death and the rest of her family's arrival was upsetting her that much. Or that there was more to it than that.

Kyabree was unaware of any conversation Nwynth had that day. Not even that Aurayath had asked after them. Though perhaps the green had acted against Brielody, she didn't want it to upset her further. Soon, she would have to talk to them in some capacity. Even if she didn't want to.

Her rider had gotten off her bed again and was pacing around their weyr.

He will try, Vorganth told the scarlet, his words an almost direct relay from his rider.

Raf wasn't as confident as Nwynth that he'd succeed in making his friend feel better, but he was willing to give it a shot.  If nothing else, maybe taking some frustration out on him would help?

Well, it would help her anyway, not necessarily him… unless she was in that sort of mood.  But he wasn't going to count on it.

Tell Nwynth I'm heading over.

Vorganth dutifully relayed the message, then resettled himself on his ledge.  Napping sounded like a good way to pass the time for now.

Not long later, R'fariel was standing outside Kyabree's weyr.  He raised a hand to knock on the door, hesitating only a moment before doing so as he listened for some sound from within.  "Kya?  You home?"

The scarlet was satisfied with his answer, so Nwynth waited. It wasn't long before R'fariel was on his way to them. Kyabree had begun to think she should get out of her weyr and see some friends because obviously hiding in her weyr so she didn't have to see her family was helping her. Hah! Her generally fiery nature would have made most people around her think she would be angry right now but she wasn't. She couldn't be for whatever reason her grief and her confusion as to how to deal with her newly arrived mother and siblings was keeping anger at bay.

R'fariel's voice was music to her ears. She practically ran to the door and flung it open. "Raf!" She smiled at him, "Come in!" Now she wouldn't have to go out and risk running into anyone unpleasant in order to see a friend.

Not expecting such an enthusiastic welcome, R'fariel blinked for a moment, then smiled somewhat hesitantly, a little sheepishly.  The expression made him look his age, and less the confident cobaltrider that mostly knew what he was doing.

She didn't seem to be too angry with him… though he didn't quite think her smile was as genuine as it usually was.  Still, he wasn't about to refuse the invitation.  "Thanks."

Remaining quiet as he walked in, he shoved his hands into his pockets and glanced around.  "So, uh…"  How's your family?  Did your family settle in okay?  Sorry I wasn't around to help get things moved if you needed it yesterday… He didn't think any of those were appropriate just yet.  Not until he'd gotten a better feel for her mood.  "Everything going okay today?"

Seeing his confidence flounder just a little bit, she waited. Ahh, well...the answer to that was too complicated. Why were men so obtuse sometimes? He could have just asked the questions he wanted the answers to. Her grin dissipated quickly.

"How should things be?" She shrugged, looked around for a moment, thinking her weyr was normally a little disheveled so it didn't make any difference if it looked so now. She didn't want to tell him that in her confused mind, the best way to start the day had been to take precautions. They certainly weren't at a point in their relationship where it needed to be brought up at all.

Clearing her throat, she added, "How was Anarath's Flight? Who was there? Who won? I mean I assume Vorganth did but...Nwynth has been tight lipped." She hoped he had been away because he had won Anarath's flight. Nwynth hadn't give her a scrap of news all day yesterday!

The Scarlet would argue that she had been keeping information from her so that she might venture out of her weyr.

Shuffling his hands in his pockets when she stopped smiling, Raf was annoyed with himself for having asked the wrong thing still.  He'd thought that was safer, asking in general how things were, but clearly that was too open, or something.

But was answering her next question truthfully the best way to go, either?  Well, answering all of it, anyway-- he didn't know how she'd react to him saying her brother had been there, after all.  Even if Vorganth had beaten Imioth in the end.

"Well, L'thyr and Z'ash.  And me, of course."  His grin returned, somehow both sheepish and smug at the same time.  One hand came out of his pocket to rub the back of his neck.   "And yeah, Vorganth won.  He's been waiting for her to go up ever since she started glowing.  So, you know…"  He shrugged, not thinking he needed to explain what had happened after that.  

But he still didn't know whether to tell her about Sh'lor, or not.  Even though he wanted to know if she'd feel as triumphant as he had that his dragon had beaten her brother's brown, that Sh'lor hadn't had the chance to touch V'tayn.  But if Nwynth hadn't told her about any of it, was it only because Imioth had participated?  Or was there some other reason?

Wanting to have Vorganth check, he went to ask the cobalt to speak to the scarlet again, but found him already asleep.  Unsurprising, given how quickly his dragon usually fell into slumber, but he'd been hoping...

It looked like was on his own, though.  So, did he tell her?  Or not?

Of course, it could come out the wrong way if he didn't, or her brother might try to contact her, or someone else might mention it, or…

So maybe he should just tell her?

"We um… Vorganth, he… Well, you know, Imioth was also there, trying to win, and Vorganth wasn't going to let him have her, so…"

Maybe she wouldn't even care that Sh'lor had been there, and all his worry would be for nothing...

L'thyr and Z'ash were nice. "Well then, it was a good flight." At least none of the colorist, sexist, elitist riders had been there to ruin it for V'tayn. But even as she though this, she could tell he was holding something back. Kyabree was not a patient person so waiting for him to decide whether he should tell her whatever it was added to her irritation.

As soon as the name was out, she grimaced. "Thank Faranth you were there." She would have felt horrible for V'tayn if her brother had won. Not that he had a bad reputation concerning Flights, he just wouldn't have been nice afterward and that being Anarath's first Flight, it would have ruined it. "Imioth flies most female dragons, so it shouldn't be surprising. Sh'lor wouldn't if he could help it but thus far the only dragon he has convinced his brown never to chase is Aurayath, and now Nwynth, when she is ready."

She was pacing again, like feral feline, irritated and unable to settle down. "Why did they come here?" The question was of course, rhetorical. She loved her family and she hated them. They had cast her out. They had chosen to cut her out of their lives. Moving to Eastern had been a great way to move on with her life without them. Now they had followed her to her sanctuary and she no longer felt sure if her feelings about them. Especially with her father gone. Her pacing continued, "I don't want them to die or anything but they don't belong here. They don't belong where I do. They've made that clear and this is my home." As she spoke her voice battled between her grief, her anger and her confusion.

The scarlet spoke directly to R'fariel, She has been like this all day. Then, reassuringly She is happy to see you and happy you were there with V'tayn.

Relaxing once he realized Kyabree wasn't upset with him for mentioning Imioth, Raf felt a little bit of the smugness over the victory return.  "He tried, I'll give him that.  But Vorganth knows her better.  He figured out exactly where she was going and caught her."  Imioth hadn't really stood a chance, to his way of thinking.  

Truthfully, though, it was good they wouldn't have to worry about the brown chasing Nwynth-- that would just be a bit much, even if Sh'lor and the scarlet's rider weren't siblings.  Since R'fariel knew Vorganth would be all for staking his claim on the other female as well, less competition would definitely be better.  Not that it would keep others away…

But he'd worry about that later.  Nwynth wasn't rising right now, though Kya, herself, was clearly agitated.  As he listened to her words, his grin faded, his own anger with her family members-- and others like them-- growing.

He wanted to agree with her, felt the same way she did about the Eastern riders who'd just invaded the place they'd turned into their own.  But part of him also thought it was fitting, that those who'd agreed with the exile of the mutants had to come crawling to those they'd sent away, asking for help, and shelter.  "No, they didn't deserve to be let in.  But it wasn't up to us."  

Taking in Nwynth's words, and thanking the scarlet for them, he continued to watch his friend pace, grateful, at least, for the knowledge that Kya was definitely not upset at him, but at her family, and the situation.

She didn't begrudge Imioth for trying because honestly it just seemed to be in his nature to want to chase. R'fariel's smugness didn't bother her either. She was beginning to see him and V'tayn as her new family. The people who would be there for her when she needed them. The people who would care about her no matter what happened in life. She could never be jealous of their time alone together. She wanted them both to find pleasure when they needed or wanted it.

Despite not being a virgin nor in the least at all coy about such things, she was worried about Nwynth's maiden flight. There were bound to be dragons among the newly arrived at hers. Maybe more likely than for Anarath's as it would be farther from the move date. "Imioth isn't the only male who could chase that we don't want around." And she wasn't going to say their names but everyone knew the old guard dragons who hated the new.

"Well even if it were, we cannot judge all of them as harshly as my family." She sighed, Kya would never condemn everyone to one fate just because their dragon was a different color than her own. This was what made her a lot better of a person than her siblings. It also made her incredibly more vulnerable than they.

She wasn't as angry as she wanted to be at them.  By rights she should be fuming right now but she wasn't. Kyabree, being more upset than angry stopped pacing suddenly and sat on the foot of her bed. "If they wanted to reconcile with me, they would have sought me out already." But it didn't matter if she wanted to or not. They were in control of the situation which was just how they liked it.

So much for worrying about it later.  R'fariel's eyes narrowed as the first face that came to mind when Kya mentioned other male dragons was another brownrider, another cousin.  He definitely wouldn't want J'ril anywhere near his friends, either.  Although, he was guessing the brownrider would likely try to keep Treyath away from any of the mutant dragons if he could help it.  He could be wrong, though-- a male dragon would chase what he would, after all.

All the more reason to want him far away from Kya and V'tayn, though, the cobaltrider thought darkly.  He was all too happy to judge his cousin using the same criteria as his friend's siblings, regardless of what she said.  But he let her continue to speak without saying anything further.

She shifted gears, though, the anger turning into something far more vulnerable, the turmoil she'd been feeling readily apparent.  Raf didn't know what to say at first, had to force his brain to shift away from the irritation with old guard riders they'd previously been discussing.  "Kya…," he started, taking a couple steps closer as he gathered his thoughts.  "They might have," he conceded with a sigh.  "But it's only been a couple of days."  He sat down next to her, close enough his shoulder and leg were touching hers.  "Maybe… they've just been busy?"

Truthfully, he didn't believe it, but for her sake, he wanted to say something positive.  However, he doubted she'd believe it either, knowing how her family had treated her before they'd been banished to the canyon.

She turned her head to look at him, "Yeah." Kyabree spoke but wasn't feeling at all hopeful on the subject. Then again she was much more prone to be cynical about a situation than optimistic. "I'm sure they are." Sooo busy that they had time to participate in Flights and things. Anyway she didn't want to deal with it any longer, the false hope that they would spontaneously decide that mutant dragons were just as good as theirs and apologize to her for their past transgressions.

Her hand reached for his and she rested her head on his shoulder for a moment.

"I'm so glad our class is close." They were another family. "I don't know what I'd do without you and V'tayn right now." She needed their support more now and knew they had her back through anything. They were much more like a family than her own blood was.

Entwining his fingers with hers, R'fariel tried not to wince at the defeated sound to her voice.  "We'll always be there for you, Kya," he reassured, meaning it with everything he had.  "No matter what.  And, you know, if your family can't see how awesome Nwynth is, how awesome all the other scarlets and cobalts and smokes and shadows and quartzes are, how they're just dragons, like all the other colors… well, it's their loss, right?" They weren't worth the effort of worrying over, when they couldn't give her any of their time in return.

Not for the first time, he was grateful for his brothers, and how supportive they'd always been, regardless of what life threw at them.  They took care of each other.  Just like he and V'tayn and others in their class did.  That was what family did, after all.  They didn't throw people away simply for Impressing a dragon that wasn't the color they expected it to be.