The Coward's Way Out (Attn: Sh'lor/Kalabria/Kyabree/sibling of Keldesh)

Letting his head fall back against the rock wall behind him with a rather hard thump, Keldesh only winced faintly at the resulting pain.  It only served to remind him that he'd been an idiot, that he'd shown weakness, that he'd run away from his chance to prove himself mature and able to take on the dragon he'd always envisioned for himself.

Instead of standing up and showing Aliseth he was worthy of her eggs, he'd shown fear, turned tail, and run.

His father would think him a disgrace.

Of course, that was impossible now-- his father was no longer living-- but Keldesh had wanted to show him what a good son he was, what a strong man he was becoming… and that he could take the place of the brownrider K'brien had been stuck with in Sh'lor.

He still had the potential to be a bronzerider, to be a leader, to go someplace.

But no.  Keldesh had blown his chance.

All because some stupid shadow had… scared him half to death when she'd grabbed his sister.

Thumping his head against the wall again, Keldesh half wondered if it wouldn't be better if he just stayed here in this hidden alcove indefinitely.  No one would find him.  No one would care.

No one would see him not Standing with the others when the eggs hatched…

And no one would ask why.

Imioth was, for the most part, all brawn. He didn't quite understand the finer nuances of human relationships and as such he didn't seem to know why Sh'lor should go looking for his brother. He'd be fine! His rider knew better and though he wasn't their father, he was responsible for the family now, or at least he thought he should be.

Aurayath had been the one to pass the message to Imioth though the brown didn't feel it urgent, Sh'lor knew that Brielody would not have bothered if she didn't think there was something to worry about. Eventually he did find Keldesh though he hesitated.

He didn't have a clue what to say to him. He wasn't the speech giver. Their father might have been able to lecture him but father wasn't there. He was the only reason that Sh'lor felt at all obligated to be here now for.

Even in death, K'brien was dictating his life. He couldn't imagine what it was doing to the rest of his family. What he did know was that they all were going to deal with grief differently. Obviously, Keldesh felt a little lost. Even Bri admitted to feeling a bit otu of place without their father around. It was only natural to be uncertain of the future when a huge figure in your life died.

Sh'lor stood in the quiet for a couple more minutes, his gray eyes watching Keldesh, trying to find a way to open the conversation. "Sooo, rough day huh?"

Jumping at the unexpected voice-- he'd closed his eyes, hardly heard the brownrider's steps over the noise in his own head--, Keldesh glared at his brother once he realized who it was that had found him.  "What do you know about it?" he muttered, wondering how Sh'lor had known to look for him here.

Had Brielody sent the brownrider after him?  Shards, he hoped not-- he'd never live it down if his sister had told Sh'lor why he'd left the Hatching Grounds.  Their brother would surely laugh, and call him out for being the coward he was.

"I know Aliseth is a very irritating mutant." He said, his voice dripping with his dislike for the shadow Queen. "She had no reason to attack Kalabria. She's some kind of sympathizer. Had us fooled though. Anyway, you were right not to go out there. I don't care what Brielody says."

Sh'lor was perfectly serious. He wouldn't have been able to do what Keldesh did. It was harder to know that you would rather not Stand than Impress to the wrong dragon. Imioth, despite his parentage, was still a large, strong brown. Who knew what a Shadow might produce.

"Yllaveth will be easier to deal with. Imioth's from a Titan clutch and he turned out wonderfully."

Angry heat suffused Keldesh's face.  He hadn't chosen not to go out onto the Sands… he'd been forced off.  He'd run away in terror.  Surely Brielody had passed that part along?  "She almost attacked me.  And I didn't want…"  

He hadn't wanted to leave.  He'd wanted to stay.  Wanted to touch the eggs, wanted to see which of them might hold a bronze.  His bronze.  "The Candidatemaster told me I couldn't Stand anymore, if I left.  There won't be Yllaveth's clutch for me."  The pent up anger overrode the embarrassment for the moment, the implication that Sh'lor should have known that clear in his voice.

Teenagers! Sh'lor's steel gray eyes sharpened. "She attacked your sister. It was only natural for you not to risk it. Especially if your dragon is out there. You're no good to them dead." He wasn't willing to wager on Keldesh Impressing a Bronze.

The brownrider was not one to give up but clearly his brother needed a lesson in perseverance. "It doesn't have to be that way. Would it help if I talked to the Weyrsenior on your behalf? Unless you'd rather just wallow here and give up on dragonriding entirely."

"What, like I'm some kind of… little kid?" Keldesh suddenly jumped up, sneering the words at his brother, the one he'd looked up to until their father made it clear Sh'lor wasn't good enough.  Bronze was the best, bronze was the only thing worth Impressing.  And Keldesh had determined he would end up with one… so he would be better than Sh'lor.  So his father would be proud.  

So he wouldn't end up disappointing his father, too.  

"Like I need someone to hold my hand and make it better?  It's not like you're a bronzerider."

And even if a part of him wanted Sh'lor to talk to the queenrider, perked up hopefully at the thought… what made his brother think Br'son would listen, when he held no rank?

Well, he was the one who said it, thought Sh'lor. For all that he was trying to help it seemed his brother had it in his head that he had NO say in anything. Hmmmph. He could figure out his future on his own then. Forget that he ever offered his help. Sh'lor knew how his father had seen him. K'brien had made clear his plans for Sh'lor.

"Oh so now you're insulting MY dragon. At least I have one, you ungrateful brat. Good luck ever being so lucky as to have any dragon. I'm beginning to think Brielody was right." In fact, he'd be happy to tell her so now.

Fists clenched at his sides, Keldesh raged further.  "Right?  Right?  She had no right to tell me I can't Stand, just because I'd rather have a bronze!"  They needed all available Candidates out there to Impress, right?  Especially when there were so few dragons.  "She had no right to tell me I had to choose then and there, that I couldn't make my mind up later!"

He was breathing fast, his voice wobbling a bit as he continued on.  "She had no right to tell me I should think about the other colors.  That there might never be another sharding bronze…"

His dreams were crumbling.  And Brielody had simply given the avalanche a voice.